“His anger got out of hand,” was the common description when someone caused conflict, damage, or harm. Now it seems like everyone is angry. Every party, identity group, or individual seems to be angry at someone. That other person or group is causing problems that cause anger and are to blame.
Anger is a powerful motivation because it builds up until it explodes into action, usually detrimental to oneself, other persons, or institutions. Powerful people and influencers with big megaphones attempt to use the intense motivation of anger to gather people into groups, sometimes into mobs.
This is not hypothetical. We know anger is getting out of hand. Wars and rumors of wars; mob scenes of protestors and counter-protestors; gang violence; domestic violence; road rage; fights and shooting among neighbors about boundaries and other irritants; mass shootings in schools, hospitals, and places of business; coups and rebellions in many countries and regions — these and many more acts of aggression have become more common and seem beyond any rational explanation. Anger at oneself is most debilitating because it is directed inward and becomes damaging when it gets out of hand. All this is frightening and dangerous, and some of those realities are elbowing into our relatively calm community.
Those who led successful non-violent protests, including Mahatma Gandhi, Nelson Mandela, and Martin Luther King Jr., taught that violence begats more violence in a vicious spiral descending to death. Moreover, anger out of hand burns up available physical and psychological energy that could be applied to positive productive activities.
Perhaps it is a good time to pay attention to biblical wisdom from centuries ago. The maxim from the Apostle Paul is based on an older proverb from the Psalms: “Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on the cause of your anger. Do not give the devil an opportunity (Ephesians 4:26-27).” The verses are often use in marital counseling because so much discord involves the family.
One is familiar with the progression: The boss takes out his anger on an employee; the employee goes home and yells at his wife; she becomes angry with the child and administers undeserved paddling; then the boy goes out and kicks the family dog. Anger often leads to multigenerational cycles of family abuse.
The proverb suggests that some anger is inevitable, and some would suggest that occasional anger is justified. We are not perfect because we are finite creatures. Anger is one evidence of our finitude. Nevertheless, the maxim suggests that we can exercise discipline and take steps and keep anger from getting out of hand. Don’t let the sun go down on your anger. The Psalm is more explicit, “Ponder your own hearts on your beds, and be silent (4:4).”
Take these first steps:
Pause and give the person who offends us the benefit of doubt. Perhaps they did not intend to offend but did so innocently.
Listen carefully to the verbal and non-verbal messages the other person or group is sending. You might learn more about the other, including positive characteristics and dreams. An old Native American injunction is, ‘Walk a mile in another’s man’s moccasins before to come to judgment.’ At least, listen to understand!
Look for positive things about which you and the other agree. Then see if you can engage with others in supporting positive activities in our community to help us and our neighbors to flourish and avoid the cycle of destruction and death that results from anger out of hand.
Raymond Brady Williams, Crawfordsville, LaFollette Distinguished Professor in the Humanities emeritus, contributed this guest column.
