I have made a few attempts in answering reader Mrs. Miller’s question, and for one reason or the other, it never did come together. So here we are again. The question takes me to a portion of my heart that is now so different than what it used to be, yet I will never be the same because of that part of my journey on planet earth. Sometimes I wonder how I can be the same person I was when I was married Daniel. Then I keep coming back to my starting point of the reason I was created in the first place- no it has never changed! When God chose every one of us to be created, He did so with a plan and a purpose, no one but you will be able to change it. Even the hard things that really are not fair are used to reveal a depth of who God made us to be.
So taking a moment to come back to Mrs. Miller question, “What would you change in your marriage if you could?” Fair question, food for thought. My mind travels back over the years with Daniel, and I realize that there are things I have learned and freedoms I’ve gained since his passing, so naturally there are things I’d be glad to do better if I could, nonetheless I was living then, not now. The reality stays the same, if we live in union and clearness with our fellowman, we will have no regrets if we would be separated at an instant. I praise God, because of that, there were no regrets when he passed. God’s grace had taken care of any failures and we were in love.
Still, as I step back and ponder over Mrs. Miller’s inquiry I know there is much this lass needed to learn over the past years as a single mother. While I still believe that marriage in the Lord is one of the richest blessings known to mankind, I also see a new and shining reality that God alone deserves our primary love, our complete trust, and absolute dedication in all of life’s circumstances. To me, something such as love, now looks more like a beautiful river flowing from God’s very throne. As He loves His own through the love of a spouse, it is a gift straight from the Father who made it. He in turn is the One to be thanked and honored for every dimension of this valuable gift. Daniel used to tell me I’m his gift from God and vise versa. I understand it in a new way.
Daniel was the type whose identity in our relationship was not set on how good he was or wasn’t in what he did. I, on the other hand, fought the identity thing that crippled who God made me to be. I am learning, a bit a time to let go of what used to be of importance to me. If I fumble a ball at the school picnic, who cares? I’m enjoying time with my children and their friends. Nothing will touch who I am in Jesus. He chooses our identity, not the level of performance or effort.
On the other hand, let’s not fool ourselves into thinking that once we have reached a certain level, our relationships will all just click or fall into place. The best of relationships have been tried and seasoned, and come out sweeter than before.
I picture God by our side, waiting as we try our best for a while, then all at once we’ve had enough and hand it all over to Him. He deftly and simply takes it, turns it over, adjusts it, and leads us on, in ways we never knew He could.
It makes me excited to think that as long as we live we’ll be drawn ever closer to Him. We won’t stop learning until we see His shining face and thank Him for all He’s ever done for us.
Also, it’s okay to be real, I say this tenderly, as I know the pain of trying to be real in relationships, to have it come back and haunt you later. Take it in proportion of what works for you; as much as you are able, be real with what you feel. If you are scared that you’ll do the wrong thing, speak it out, if at all possible, pray together. Oh, the beauty of people who can together, go to their Lord, and unburden at the cross. When our resources have ended, His everlasting reservoirs have just opened.
Now that there is no recipe that speaks on this subject so I’ll give you one that is a symbol of it. There were few things I enjoyed more than cooking what I knew Daniel would enjoy eating. Many times I would tweak the recipe to what I used to call ‘Daniel-ize’ it. Here is a Daniel-ized version of sticky buns that I renamed to Hubby’s Ultimate Sticky Buns.
Though you may not have a spouse, take a moment to show a gesture of kindness to someone somewhere in a way you know will make them feel loved. As one of my favorite speakers would say, “It is about loving another at your own expense.”
Savory Ham Sticky Buns
6 hamburger buns
1/2 pound ham
6 slices baby Swiss cheeses
1/2 can onion and chive cream cheese spread*
Sauce:
1 Tbsp. prepared mustard
1 tsp. dried onion flakes
1 1/2 tsp. Worcestershire sauce
1/3 cup brown sugar
6 Tbsp. butter, melted
2 Tbsp. Parmesan cheese, optional
Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Spread 1 tablespoon sauce mix on the bottom half of bun. Top with ham and cheese slices. Spread cream cheese on under side of the top bun and place on top of ham and cheese. Spread remaining sauce on top of prepared buns. Bake 10 minutes uncovered then 10 minutes covered or heated through. Serve with plenty napkins!
* I made my own spread by adding chives and seasonings to softened cream cheese.
Gloria Yoder is an Amish house-wife in rural Illinois. She is the third writer of The Amish Cook column since its inception in 1991. Yoder can be reached by writing: The Amish Cook, P.O. Box 157, Middletown, Ohio 45042.
