A neighbor quoted a wise friend who regularly assured him, “Everyone needs to be needed!” My neighbor repeats that saying any time we request his assistance to fix things or do tasks that we are no longer able or competent to accomplish. His quotation makes it seem like we are doing him a favor and the task a gift because it generates his abilities, skills, and generosity.
At a deeper level the saying points to an essential characteristic of being human. Association with others is fundamental to our existence. Positive associations based on mutual regard and generosity enhance one’s life beyond possessions and outward marks of success in our society.
The experience of a minister and congregation in a decaying neighborhood on the near northside of Indianapolis spotlights the quotation. The congregation is very active in programs to assist the poor and at-risk people who live near the church building. They provide food, shelter, summer sports programs for young people — all needed by their neighbors. Very commendable, albeit based on an ethos of scarcity and need!
Several government and social agencies also attempt to meet the needs of the neighborhood. Good programs ask the people what they need. The worst march in arrogantly thinking they already know best what the people need.
The ministers and leaders of the church became aware that meeting needs was not enough for people at risk. Two youths involved in summer sports programs were killed; other youth joined gangs and were involved in drug trade; poverty and despair increased. Something more was required.
The congregation hired a lay staff person just to walk around the neighborhood to become acquainted with the individuals living there. Rather than asking what they need, he asks: “What do you enjoy doing?” and “What do you do well enough you can teach others?” He discovered a wealth of talents, abilities, skills and aspirations previously unrecognized. The congregation’s focus changed dramatically from the ethos of scarcity to an ethos of abundance.
Stories illustrate the point: Story one: A lady loved to cook, and regularly cooked meals for her housebound neighbors. The minister paid her to cook lunches in the church kitchen for staff meetings. Then they asked organizations that met in their building to hire her to cook their meals. Slowly her catering business for businesses and organizations emerged. Story two: A youth enjoyed fixing bicycles for neighborhood kids. The congregation enabled him to teach others and to hire them to repair bicycles in his garage. Story three: An elderly man had tended gardens all his life, if only in neighborhood window boxes. The church paid him to supervise repurposed church land where he taught neighbors to grow more than they could use. A hospital CEO sponsored a Farmers Market for their surplus — an ethos of abundance. These became rays of light and hope in the neighborhood.
The imagination of church members expanded. Recognition of accomplishments of individuals and prayers for their success were added to worship. Everyone learned about untapped abundance in the neighborhood. They learned that people thrive more when they are needed, not just by being in need. In fact, they embraced the biblical affirmation, “It is more blessed to give than to receive” (Acts 20:35).
Our lives could be enhanced by realizing that we need to be needed. Being ready to help when asked to help others is an opportunity to achieve a higher level of human flourishing. We might even learn to look carefully and check with our neighbors to learn what we can do to help them. If we firmly believe that “Everyone needs to be needed,” we might be able to convince our neighbors they are doing us a favor by letting us help them.
Raymond Brady Williams, Crawfordsville, LaFollette Distinguished Professor in the Humanities emeritus, contributed this guest column.