This article is my attempt to stop you from making new year’s resolutions for the upcoming 2021 year. I might as well tell you right from the start the really bad news — there is a new psychiatric disorder called New Year’s Resolution Disorder. To be diagnosed with this disorder, you must have done at least three of the following 13 resolutions, or “symptoms” of NYRD. All of them, as you will see, involve the belief that the best way to improve your life is by altering your appearance or by adding new activities into your life. I call this the outside-in approach. It is based upon the hope that outside or external changes (e.g., becoming physically fit) will lead to inside or internal changes (e.g., becoming happier).
1. Lose 5 pounds. 2. Start a regular exercise program three days a week, for 30 minutes per day. 3. Quit smoking. 4. Start regular attendance at church. 5. Lose 15 pounds. 6. Start reading more books to educate your mind (not including comic books or Sports Illustrated). 7. Go back to college. 8. Get a GED. 9. Start a diary. 10. Lose 20 pounds. 11. Start a regular savings program. 12. Start saving for an emergency fund to avoid domestic crises such as major appliances going kaput. 13. Lose 30 pounds.
If you doubt that NYRD really exists, try to answer these questions: 1. How many of you have unused exercise equipment “hidden” in your basement or stashed away in closets? 2. How many of you have purchased expensive memberships to health clubs or spas and never used them? 3. How many times have you made resolutions and not followed through? See, NYRD is real.
So, what to do? Let’s take a look at a different way to improve your life. You have many relationships in your life, with family members and with friends. You also have a relationship with yourself. What would happen if you were able to improve that relationship? The approach used to alter your relationship with yourself is the inside-out model. It is based upon the hope that by treating yourself better, you would improve your self-relationship. Once this happens, your motivation to change other aspects of your life (like losing weight) would increase tenfold.
Instead of making New Year’s Resolutions, try these inside-out suggestions:
1. Learn how to be kind to yourself. Try this 2,500-year-old exercise — each morning set aside 10 white marbles and 10 black marbles. For each negative or unkind thought (I’m fat) you get a black marble. For each positive or kind thought (I look good today) you get a white marble. The daily goal is to get more white than black marbles.
2. Spend time alone with yourself. Once a day, for up to 20 minutes, take a “time out” to listen to your own mind. Prayer time, or self-reflection, or just breathing.
3. Examine those beliefs you have carried which put great pressure on yourself. I call them, “unrealistic expectations.” Ask yourself, what would happen if you stopped expecting yourself to be perfect, to never get mad, to always be strong, or to want everyone to like you.
4. Think of all the people in your life who have helped you or cared for you or have just been kind to you. Ask yourself, “Why did they do so much for me?” or “Do I show appreciation for what others do for me?”
5. Treat yourself as good as you treat others. By the way, why do we have two sets of rules — one for yourself (which is usually harsher) and one for others?
6. Spend more time playing with your new puppy, dog, cat or other pets. (you don’t have a pet?) If you do not have a pet, visit the animal shelter, and help an animal help you. This must be why my home is happy — four dogs.
7. Read the newspaper more. Especially my articles.
The content of this article is for educational purposes only, not treatment.
I wish you and your family a safe and healthy 2021.
Dr. Richard Elghammer contributes his weekly column to the Journal Review.
