In the first part of this series I introduced two young children, Sam and Zoey Tucker, who were caught in the vortex of hostile forces caused by the divorce of their parents. In part two, I gave advice on how to help each child navigate the divorce process. Today’s column asks the question, what is the cure that would heal the Tucker family’s wounds?
The medicine the Tucker family requires to mend broken relationships contains the same three ingredients all families — throughout time-have required — empathy, self-sacrifice and forgiveness.
Two weeks before Christmas, a special delivery letter came to my office. It was a legal document I had never seen before. It bore an embossed seal with these words:
Santa’s Order, Ellesmere Island, North Pole.
Thinking it must be a joke, I opened the letter. Dear Dr., Elghammer:
“This is not a joke. Your patients, the Tucker family, have been ordered to attend my workshop designed to heal family wounds. Since Sam and Zoey — the innocent parties — have been good all year, their time spent at my North Pole Party Pad will consist of reindeer flying, cookie cutting, painting the Aurora Borealis, toy making and snow fort building. Unfortunately, their parents — Alan and Mindy — have been bad and will be required to complete all three parts of Santa’s workshop: Clause 1: Age progression. Each parent, like ripe old cheese, will be “aged” to their last year of life. Mindy, now 95, and Alan, at 94, will be asked this question: “Now that you’re at the end of your life, what was the single, most important thing you accomplished?
Clause #2: Body exchange. Alan and Mindy will switch bodies. While in the switched state, each parent will spend 24 continuous hours with each child, without revealing their identity.
Clause #3: A child-centered holiday. The children will make a list of their wishes for how this holiday season will be structured. Respectfully, Santa Claus.”
Two weeks later, the Tuckers, now sitting in my office, are a changed family. Gone is the family tension and in its place — like a purring kitten — is a velvety soft, quiet peace. “What happened to you,” I ask. Mindy spoke first, “I was aged to 95, and when I realized my life was almost over, I knew what I needed to do — I want my life to be about being a good mother to Sam and Zoey. To do this, I had to forgive Alan. I’m done with all the fighting, it only hurt my children.” Mindy went on, “Then, when I found myself in Alan’s body, Sam told me that since he was almost 10, he needed more time with his dad so he could learn to shoot a rifle.” Next, I spent time with Zoey (who saw me in Alan’s body). Zoey said to me, “Daddy, I want you to re-marry mommy so I can see you every day.” Mindy finished with, “I now know that my children can never be healthy unless I help them stay close to their father.”
Alan spoke next: “When I switched bodies with Mindy, Sam told me, “Mom, I really like your boyfriend Michael, but Dad says he is an idiot. Dad also told me that if you ever marry Michael, I could not get close to him because he wasn’t my real dad.”
Sensing an opening, I spoke up: “Alan, what would you say to your children if their mother were to re-marry?” Alan replied, “Sam and Zoey, all I want is for you is to be happy; happy with me, happy with your mom, happy in school. So, if your mom marries Michael, I would also like you to be close to him, so you could be happy all the time. Anyway, two dads might be better than one!”
Like a shaken pop can, Zoey pops her top and giggles spill out. She asks her father, “Daddy, what was it like to switch bodies with mommy?” Alan, laughing, starts to answer, but I cut him off: “The final clause, number 3, needs to be done. Sam, Zoey, let’s look at your wishes for your holiday list.” Sam and Zoey pull out their list:
1. For Mom and Dad to give each other gifts.
2. For Mom and Dad, and their boyfriend and girlfriend Michael and Charlotte, to have one meal together and sing, while holding hands, Christmas songs.
3. For all their family, including relatives, to sit together at their upcoming Christmas play.
The Tucker family followed the lessons they learned at the North Pole and granted Sam and Zoey’s wishes, and finally found holiday peace.
The content of this article is for educational purposes only, not treatment. The characters in this story are not real. Names and details have been changed to protect confidentiality.
Dr. Richard Elghammer contributes his column to the Journal Review each week.
