A supervisor told his new management trainee at their first meeting: “You need to be ready to say three important things in order to be successful: I am sorry. I don’t know. I need help.”
The three statements are about relationships. The most important aspect of leadership does not relate to work orders, presumed power, or production. Leadership is about positive interpersonal human relationships.
Moreover, leadership is about one’s personhood that combines all three traits. The appropriate word here is not “personality” as though leadership were a popularity contest. Nor is does “psychology” seem appropriate as though one is simply manipulating others. Ultimately, it is about strong, mature, and healthy personhood of the leader. That is true at work and in all our initiatives and activities.
1. Say, “I am sorry.” It is wise to apologize often because we are imperfect and we live amidst imperfection. Mistakes and errors are more common than great successes. However, one can learn as much from mistakes as from successes. Mistakes can be corrected, and none should become habitual problem. Scientists start experiments with some hypotheses, and they learn a great deal from failures, which they call null results. A foundation that makes grants for many projects understands each grant as an experiment and the grantee as a partner in exploration. They ask that annual grant reports give information about both what works and what does not. Such reports build a knowledge base for future grants and activities.
We have experienced co-workers and leaders who are unable to take the blame for anything and never apologize. They hurry to place blame on other people. That is one sign of a person with an unhealthy ego and an immature and unwholesome personality.
2. Say, “I don’t know.” The ancient philosopher Plato searched Athens for a wise person and concluded that one’s ignorance is the beginning of wisdom. Learning is an aspect of bravery because it is an admission that we don’t have all the answers. It increases the capacity for growth and positive development. Weak individuals pretend that they are better informed than those around them. We generally avoid ‘know it all’ persons. They contribute little to group cohesiveness or success. They exhibit limitations of character.
3. Say, “I need help.” Current individualism and isolation encourage going it alone. Moreover, that path seems attractive because it enables the individual to take all the credit when things go well, especially when combined with blaming others when things don’t go well. Sustained success generally requires cooperation and community. A wise person told me once, “It is amazing what you can accomplish if you don’t care who gets the credit.” Think of persons who operate from the second chair and contribute most to success.
Humility expressed in the three important statements of our need permits the inclusion of people who have been affected by our mistakes, those who know more than we do, and any willing to assist in positive activities. We need a diversity of ideas from those whose life experience are different because “iron sharpens iron.” Such humility is not weakness, but strength. Pridefulness is not strength, but a sign of weakness.
Following these three suggestions will help us cultivate a strong, mature, and healthy personhood and a way of being that will support a good life.
Raymond Brady Williams, Crawfordsville, LaFollette Distinguished Professor in the Humanities emeritus, contributed this guest column.
